What-If's Are For The Unhappy
by InTheSilenceOfTheseWalls
Summary: "He couldn't help but keep wondering about all the things he'd want to change in his past; or just one thing in particular." Canon-compliant until the Final Battle, but EWE. One 'swear' word.


**A/N: So it has been years since I've written anything, but this wouldn't leave me alone. And it's not just a drabble but a 3000 words One-shot, blimey.**

**I still don't want to go back to writing anything, I'm content to just read. So I hope someone will enjoy this, even though less and less people actually still read Harry Potter fanfiction it seems. Eh, but anyways!**

**Unbeta-ed, so pardon my mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Characters or the Harry Potter Universe, but I did think of the Plot.**

°°°!°°°HJP&HJG°°°!°°°

It's been years since the Final Battle of Hogwarts, as the media had dubbed it. Four years to be exact. And a lot had changed since then.

Hogwarts had been rebuild, reopened and had reclaimed its spot as the most prestigious school of magic in the world. New Professors and old ones taught, new and even some old students roamed the halls day in day out.

The Wizarding World and the Ministry of Magic had been restored, now more balanced than ever due to the work of Minister Shacklebolt and Hermione Granger working side by side to change the world step by step and law by law, making it a better place for magical creatures and people of any blood. It was still a work in progress but a new and more modern age has started for the wizarding world.

Harry Potter looked at castle, standing by the black lake with weary eyes and a constant sigh on his lips. He had also changed, he supposed.

He had traveled the world, tried out several lines of work; from Quidditch to law enforcement, he had built and created things with the remaining Weasley twin for the shop and he'd even tried out bartending with Madame Rosmerta.

Harry had dated and broken up with Ginny Weasley so many times, he got a headache just trying to count. Until he made the decision to break up with her indefinitely few months ago. She wasn't happy about it, but she also wasn't too heartbroken. In fact, she was more upset that her childhood dream of marrying the Harry Potter didn't come true than she was about losing Harry himself. At least that's what Hermione had told him.

So, here he stood, dressed in clothes by labels he couldn't recall to save his life, a haircut that suited his hair type better, new glasses that fit his face more nicely, all at Ginny's insistence, and he looked a changed man, but gazing at the castle, he wondered, why didn't he feel different?

He still felt like the seventeen year old with fate of the world on his shoulders. He still felt unsettled. He still didn't know what he wanted to do with his life, and to be honest, he also couldn't really say he knew who he was.

So whenever he felt particularly restless, he came to Hogwarts and wondered about what could've been. What would've happened if just one thing was different. Not exactly if Voldemort didn't exist, but seemingly minor things like: What if he hadn't fallen for Voldemort's trap in fifth year, or what if he had taken hold of the Cup without Cederic in his fourth year. He knew that these 'What-if's' were dangerous and unhealthy, but he couldn't help himself especially since a new set of 'what-if's' have started to keep him awake at night.

What if he had asked Hermione to the Yule Ball, what if he had responded with "but I think you're beautiful, Hermione" instead of "but I don't think you're ugly", what if he had kissed Hermione in the tent after dancing with her?

Mostly he just wondered how things would've been if he had just confessed his crush on her, the one he had for more than half of his life.

Realistically he knew that he's never been ready, that she wouldn't have been, nor would she have been interested, he grumbled. Probably, maybe…who knows?

But he couldn't help himself because he wanted to know! He wanted to ask, to confess, but he felt like his hot mess of a life was too much of a burden for her. She deserved better. She deserved a stable, accomplished man, who's confident in his identity and knows what he wants. He wanted to be that man, but right now, other than her, he didn't know what he wanted at all.

He turned and flopped down onto the grass with a thump and a sigh. Groaning about his inner turmoil, he missed a figure approaching slowly and quietly.

"What happened this time, Harry?" A voiced called out.

"Bloody hell!" He exclaimed and jumped into a sitting position. He threw a quick glance at the person, even though he recognized the voice immediately. "Merlin, you can't just sneak up on a bloke like that, Hermione. You almost gave me a heart attack."

Hermione wore an amused smile as she gingerly sank down next to him. "Oh, don't be so dramatic, Harry. Don't tell me you really didn't notice me approaching. Constant vigilance, Moody used to say."

Yes well, but he really didn't notice. "What are you even doing here, Hermione?" He turned slightly to look at her properly. Outside of the visible physical changes (her hair tamer and less bushy, her clothes a mixture of fancy and sophisticated for work and smart and casual for normal attire) she really hadn't changed either. Hermione still was the fierce and passionate, intelligent young woman she had always been. Her work ethic and drive was unmatched by those around her and her compassion never ceased to amaze even the greatest cynic. She was the same incredible, wonderful and loyal woman he had always known, if not even more so now.

Hermione furrowed her brows slightly at his stare, causing him to blush and look away. "Don't you have to work?"

"Well yes, but Professor McGonagall flooed my office and said, quote unquote 'Miss Granger, it seems like Mister Potter has taken up his moping around the black lake again. I would advise you or Mister Weasley to come up here and get him before he disturbs our learning environment for longer than necessary.'" She mimicked the voice of the Professor perfectly. "It was a slow day anyway, so I decided to come and save Hogwarts from any more disturbance. You know how much Professor McGonagall and I value a good learning environment." She finished with a playful wink.

"I'm not moping." Harry grumbled quietly.

"She just cares for you, Harry."

"I know."

Hermione adjusted her legs to sit more comfortably. "So, what's wrong?"

He sighed deeply. "Do you ever think about 'what-if's'?"

Her eyebrows rose. "'What-if's'? I do sometimes think 'If only I had realized earlier that what I felt for Ron was no more than brotherly affection, maybe things wouldn't be quite as tense between us now.' But mostly I try to stay as far away from what-if's as I can because I think it won't serve us well to wonder about things that we can't change in retrospect. Why? Do you?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, sometimes. Uh, or maybe most of the time, I guess…" He trailed off sheepishly. "It's just…I wonder how life would be like now if I had just done one thing differently."

Hermione was confused. "Like what?"

"Like fifth year with Sirius." He shot out immediately.

"Oh Harry." She took hold of his hand and grabbed on comfortingly. "You can't know what would've been! And as hard as it sounds, you also will never know. And that's good. Focus on what's now and what you want to change now. Our present is a total sum of countless decisions and moments made in the past, that's how it's supposed to be. We have to accept the past with its 'almost's' and 'might've been's' because if we never learn to see that where we are now is exactly where we should be, we will never be happy with who and where we are in life."

"I know!" Harry stood up abruptly and took a couple of steps toward the lake before turning back to Hermione. "But how do I even _know_ who I am without all of this?" He waved his arms around frantically. "Who am I without Hogwarts and battles and fighting, strategizing, running, hiding? I've spent so much time thinking about saving lives that I don't know who I am as person! I feel like, sometimes, if I could've just done one thing differently as a person, maybe I would've developed differently."

Hermione rose to her feet. "But Harry, you've developed just fine. You have a great group of people who care about you and support you. You are a powerful wizard, a fantastic athlete, an amazing friend and godfather and you have beautiful heart." Harry blushed lightly. "Oh and not to mention, you also happened to save the world. But also, you're only turning 22. You have plenty of time to learn who you are and discover what you want to do. Nobody expects you to have everything figured out yet." She had slowly made her way over to him, coming to a stop a few feet away.

"Thank you." He scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to hide the fact he was still blushing. "But I can't help but wonder, if I could go back and change _one_ thing, maybe I would be happier right now."

He felt incredibly silly. That was not at all what he had planned for the day. He had wanted to go to Hogwarts for a little while and ponder over his life, before going home and maybe later meeting up with Ron for a couple of pints. But now he was in the middle of a deep conversation with Hermione that was currently going into a direction he wasn't sure he liked.

Hermione became more worried with every second that ticked by. She reached out to grab both his hands. "What would be that _one_ thing?" She asked softly, understanding that this was an important moment.

The words were forming before he could comprehend them. "What would you have done if I'd asked you to the yule ball?" He blurted and immediately felt mortified.

She furrowed her brows in confusion. "The Yule Ball? In fourth year?" She took a moment to think. "I probably would have said yes. Why?" The question had caught her off guard.

A breath rushed out of his lungs. "And do you think we would've dated then?"

Her confusion grew. "I don't know, maybe? We were fourteen. Why do you ask me that now? How does this matter _now_?"

Harry shrugged uncomfortably and slowly pulled his hands from hers to put them in his pockets, averting his eyes.

Something clicked in her mind. Her eyes widened. "Oh. _Oh_! Harry, that's something you want to change?" She moved her head to catch his eyes. "Harry, look at me." He did, albeit reluctantly. "We were fourteen! You were thinking about Cho Chang and then Ginny. I was somewhat dating Viktor Krum and then I was a little distracted by Ron. Like I said, you can't know what would've happened."

His irritation was immediate. "I know that, alright! But maybe, I wasn't thinking about them too much then." He crossed his arms. "I am definitely not thinking about them now!" He exclaimed, again mortification instant. His gaze dropped to his feet, a blush coloring his cheeks again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean say that." He mumbled.

Hermione grinned, slightly amused by his embarrassment. Now that she knew what he was talking about, she felt surer of how to respond. "So, you mean to tell me, or actually didn't mean to tell me, that you think if you could've just dated me in school, you would be happier now?"

Harry gave a one shouldered shrug, murmuring something like, "I don't know, maybe, yes, probably, sure."

Taking a step towards him, she crossed her arms, mirroring his position. "Harry, I am sorry to burst your little bubble there, but we wouldn't have worked in school." Her lips twitched while she tried to hide her smile.

His head snapped up, his gaze finding her amused one. "What? Why?" He asked incredulously. She laughed. "Oh yeah, glad we're all enjoying my embarrassment." He grumbled through his blush. He just couldn't stop blushing, could he?

She uncrossed her arms again to put her hand on top of his forearms that were crossed on his chest. "Because we were children but not exactly normal teenagers, Harry. You have always carried the burden of the whole world on your shoulders, making it impossible for you to commit to anyone completely. It's one of the reasons why you're relationships haven't worked out or wouldn't have worked out, possibly. And while that has always made me incredibly sad for you, it just wasn't something I was ready to deal with yet. Just like _you_ wouldn't have been ready to be with _me_. I have always loved you, Harry, but it just wouldn't have been enough. We needed each other as friends. We couldn't afford to lose that." Her voice dropped in volume, she was trying to convey the sincerity of her statement.

Oh. Yes, there was that. That makes sense. Just like he had thought. Not ready, not really interested…-wait. "You love me?" His eyes were wide. His mind was zooming in on that particular piece of information. _'I have always loved you, Harry'_

Hermione smiled softly, taking another step closer. "Of course, Harry. You're my best friend." She stated, eyes twinkling. Oh. Oh, yes, of course. But…

She was so close; he could feel her breath on his face. He knew, he could just lean over and he would be kissing her. But, he wasn't sure. He was never any good at social cues, but he could feel that this was another moment where he later would be asking 'What if I had just…' and Merlin was he tired of what-if's.

So he threw caution in the wind, wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips and the rest of his body against hers. Instantly he felt her smile against his lips. So he has made the right decision, he thought happily. She slowly slid her hands up and around his neck from where they had rested on his chest, before she reciprocated. It was lovely and slow-paced, sweet with an underlying passion. It was perfect for them. Her lips were soft and warm against his and he couldn't help the quiet moan in the back of his throat.

He could feel something locking into place, a sense of rightness settling in.

Hermione pulled away first, if reluctantly so, leaning her forehead against his and leaving her eyes closed. He breathed in deeply, his eyes closed as well. "I didn't want this to be another 'what-if'." Harry whispered.

"I'm glad." She responded just as quietly.

They stayed like that for another moment, eyes closed, bodies pressed against each other, just breathing. But when a thought struck Harry, he moved his head back and opened his eyes to look at her, leaving the rest of his body still against hers. "Hermione…" He hesitated until her eyes fluttered open, encouraging him to continue. "I'm a mess. I'm not sure of anything right now. You deserve more." He admitted with a sad smile.

Hermione brushed the spot right behind his ear with her thumb. "No, I don't. And you are not a mess, Harry." She pecked his lips quickly but determinedly, throwing him off guard. "You have accomplished more in your life than many ever will, but I like you for who you are, even if you're not exactly sure who that is yet. But no pressure, no rush. You have all the time in the world. And I'll be right by your side; I'll help you whenever you need me to. You do want me, right?" She asked a little hesitantly. "I did not misinterpret this, right?"

He tightened his grip. "It's the only thing I'm sure of."

She smiled brightly. "Then that's the only thing I need." She kissed him again, this time he was prepared to participate. "I think I've always deserved you, but the timing was never right. When I said 'Our present is the total sum of decisions we made in our past', I meant it. I believe that this," she tapped her thumb against his head lightly, "right here, right now, is exactly where we were supposed to end up. We are supposed to end up together."

With a chuckle, he quipped, "I thought you didn't believe in fate and divination and all that."

Hermione shrugged. "I don't. But I believe in our compatibility."

Her grin was contagious and his brightened. "Okay." He felt overjoyed. His mind might be having a whiplash from all the emotions he went through in the matter of minutes; gloom, embarrassment, hope, joy, but it was content to just settle on the joy. He hugged Hermione tightly, dropping a small kiss on her cheek. "Okay." His heart was pounding wildly. Hermione wrapped her arms securely around his neck, burying her face where his neck and his shoulder met. He loved how their bodies fit into each other, how warmth radiated from her, how sensitive he became in all the places they touched. He had noticed these things before but this was different. He could sigh in content and trail his hand slowly up and down her spine without wondering about any what-if's for the first time.

Nothing much was said after that. They stayed wrapped for a little while longer, before Hermione stepped out of their embrace and grabbed his hand, pulling him along with promises of dinner and a nice evening in.

Hermione had dragged him almost all the way up to the castle, when Harry paused, glancing up the huge castle in front of him. As it stood before him, innocent and quiet, its walls filled with countless stories, some of which he had starred in himself, he felt peace wash over him.

He smiled.

Hermione was right. He had to accept that his past was irreversible and unchangeable, that everything had led him to where he was now. He could figure out things in his own pace, there was indeed no need to rush or force anything.

And as he turned his head back to find Hermione gazing at him, lips tilted in a soft smile, he realized: No imaginary-what if-scenario could measure up finally being able to have the real thing. There was no need for those anymore.

So he pulled her gently towards him and met her halfway for another kiss.

_°°°Finis°°°_

**Cheesy alternate ending** **lines**:

His brain became more muddled as it went on. But he managed one coherent thought:

Maybe, just maybe, what-if's are for the unhappy.

All was well.

°°°!°°°HJP&HJG°°°!°°°

**Yes excuse my cheesy ending, that's why it's officially over before those lines. I just enjoy having my title in my story somewhere. **

**So yeah, that's it. I think I switched styles while writing, it's been too long really, so I apologize. **

**Farwell, until next time a plot-bunny won't leave me alone.**

**A.R.T.**


End file.
